


Late Blossoms

by Maknaeholic



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Checked already, Hanahaki Disease, I wanted it to be sad, M/M, but I don't think it's sad enough, jinbam has a cameo but that's it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-10
Updated: 2018-09-10
Packaged: 2019-07-10 12:37:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,737
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15949502
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Maknaeholic/pseuds/Maknaeholic
Summary: If only Chan knew the language of flowers; then, maybe the petals coming out of him could be perceived as beautiful.





	Late Blossoms

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't checked it, but I wanted to post it already.  
> It didn't come out as I wanted.  
> It's probably going to be part of a series along with BamBam and JinYoung's story.
> 
> Update: Checked for mistakes and typos.

According to all books, unrequited love was a beautiful pain, to some mangas, it even was the happiest time. Well, for sure they hadn't experienced the beauty of throwing up colorless petals down the toilet, the grace of the tears pricking the corners of your eyes, and the burning in your lungs overwhelming all your senses. That's how Chan felt every time it happened, he slowly hung his head until his forehead rested against his arms as he knelt on the ground. A whole minute ticked by before he was able to breathe properly, or as properly as he could at that point, so he sluggishly dropped on the cold floor with his back to the wall. Taking out his phone, he checked the time.

Two minutes.

Two minutes to wash the grassy taste from his mouth, push his hair back, dust off his clothes, and be back in the practice room or his members would get suspicious of his whereabouts.

Without further delay, Chan flushed the petals away, stepped out to fix himself, and soon enough he was walking back to the Michael Jackson room. His members were still enjoying their break, the maknae line was joking around the floor, the rest of 3RACHA was practicing their parts in a corner, while the rest were checking their phones. Clapping to grab everyone's attention, the leader silently signaled (as he didn't trust his voice just yet) for them to take their positions to pick up where they had left off. The group soon re-started their practice, their whole attention focused on the steps, and they only stopped when their bodies couldn't take it anymore. HyungJin was the first one who fell face first into the floor, exhausted, while whining about not being able to go on.

"Okay, we're done for the day," Chan felt relieved that his voice sounded okay, "let's go back home."

Everyone cheered, celebrating as they gathered their stuff, and quickly left the room. Chan stayed behind with the excuse of checking that everything was cleaned in case someone else wanted to use the room. The Aussie stared at his reflection in the mirror wall; he looked fine, as usual, but he could see the depth of the dark circles under his eyes growing by the minute, his pale skin turning grey-ish, and his eyes losing their light. It was only a matter of time before the diseased consumed his heart, his lungs, and eventually his life.

Truth be told, Chan wasn't scared of dying as much as he was of losing those feelings, idiotic, if he was asked, yet it was that way. In the back of his mind, always fresh, was the first time it happened; he had softly coughed, nothing out of the ordinary, except something soft hit his palm as soon as the fit finished. Eyes shut tightly, he prayed. Prayed like he never had before, like his mother wanted him to during all those times he was dragged to church on Sundays, because if what was laying inside his hand was a petal... he had given up a battled not even fought.

With shaking fingers, he turned his hand to open it, and with a shaky breath, his eyes did too.

A single yellow petal, small and fragile, laid mockingly there.

How he wished he knew the language of flowers.

Still, Chan knew it was laughing at him.

"Hyung?" he spun so fast to face the owner of that voice, though he didn't really need to, he would recognize that voice even in his next life, that his breathing problems made him a bit dizzy, "You okay, mate?" and that thick accent could only belong to one person.

"Yeah, why?" it was normal for them to forget Korean completely when it was only the two of them. The two of them speaking in a language only they could understand, it made him feel like they were the only two people left in the universe, "I'm coming, go with the others."

"Do you need help cleaning up?" denying the younger boy was so hard for him, with those puppy eyes and pouty lips, yet Chan had learned to keep his mind on track and not fall for it.

"No, Felix, it's okay," he faked a laugh as he pushed a few things towards one of the corners, acting as if he had finished, "let's go."

"You sure it's okay to leave that there... ?"

"Yeah, let's go."

One of the two vans destined for Stray Kids was waiting outside for them with JeongIn, ChangBin and HyunJin. Felix jumped in first and took the seat next to ChangBin before he rested his head on the rapper's shoulder to catch some sleep on their way home. Chan had developed a system as to not feel overwhelmed everytime something like that occured (which was pretty often) and keep the petals under control. Plugging his earphones in, he'd pretend none of the rest existed while his mind wandered back to the time when it was Felix who would cling onto him as if his life depended on it. Those memories eased the blooming flowers inside; the days before he had failed Felix and scarred their friendship forever. Felix had a kind soul, so he would never say it to Chan, but he could feel it in the way he had subtly drifted away from him once ChangBin came more into the picture.

On a good day, Chan would fall asleep and be awoke by their maknae telling him they were home, but, of course, he couldn't have that much luck when the first thing he saw as he opened his eyes was a constellation of freckles that was making fun of his adoration for it. Chan had to blink several times to assure the other Aussie boy he was up.

"Yah, yah, yah," Chan complained, pushing Felix's face away with his hand, "I'm going," with numb legs, he stepped out of the car with Felix right behind.

The mess of shoes in the front door greeted him as soon as he opened the door to the dorm, the members that were already there had a loud party in celebration for their Rookie Award.

"Boys, we have neighbors, and you need to have dinner before going to bed," he walked straight to he kitchen to start making dinner. WooJin followed him a few minutes later to help with setting the table while JeongIn gathered the rest of his hyungs. Chan ruffled his maknae's hair as he served each of their plates, feeling good for a second, like the vines in his throat weren't getting tighter, yet that only lasted so much when he looked back to find Felix feeding ChangBin with the ghost of a smile.

"Aren't you eating, hyung?" HyunJin asked, pouting at him.

Chan had to let out a small cough behind his hand, "I ate before we left the company," he clenched his fist to keep any of the small petals from falling, "I'll just get some sleep. SeungMin, you're in charge, make sure they clean afterwards, okay? And don't stay up late!" the eight boys nodded to their leader in silence.

His room was still empty, as ChangBin was still outside, so he threw the yellow petals into a small box filled to the brim with all the petals he had coughed before. The colors resembled a sweet pastel-colored painting, opposite to the cruelty they represented. Chan looked at ChangBin's bed, letting a small sigh out, since he could never be truly angry at his friend, much less when he was the only who knew of Felix's secret.

"No one can know, no one has to know, if it can be fixed with a simple surgery," those were Felix's words almost a year before, around the time they were releasing Hellevator. Chan would never leave Felix behind, not again, he had made a promise he intended to keep until the day he died because his members were everything to him. Especially Felix.

The whole situation was so damn ironic for Chan. Destiny was pointing a pitiful finger at him as it laughed mockingly at him; life was asking payback for his selfish actions in the past.

_"Get the surgery, please," he had begged as he brushed tears away from freckled cheeks, "I don't want you to die."_

Karma never rests; it will come for you, when you less expect it, in ways you'd never imagine, and there was no escaping it. Not that Christopher Bang had any intention on avoiding his faith; in fact, he was prepared to face it. He was okay, and at peace, with it. But... in the back of his mind, in the small space left among the suffocating vines around his heart, he knew the others wouldn't be, that's why he kept on hiding the truth.

Chan could face death, but not breaking his promise to stay with the boys who always reminded him of their eternal love for him. How could he leave those eight boys alone when he practically raised them? How would 3RACHA exist without one? How would WooJin deal with the kids on his own when he was one of them? How would JeongIn, SeungMin, MinHo, and HyunJin behave without him around? How would Felix feel if he left him behind too and never be able to find him again... ?

Tears prickled the corners of his eyes, the air catching up in his throat from a different kind of pain, hurting him in a way the soft flowers could never. Slowly, he reached his bed, rolling on top of it, and crawled under the sheets before ChangBin would come in and tried to pull the truth out of him. The leader just needed a little more time, just a little bit longer; then, he would stop fighting.

**Hanahaki Disease Surgery (possible side effects):**

**Main: Inability to fall in love again.**

**Numbness.**

**Memory loss.**

**Insomnia.**

**Appetite loss.**

**Headaches.**

**Phantom pains.**

Chan set down the clipboard the hospital had given him. A few days earlier, he had called BamBam to meet, remembering the time when his best friend went through the same a few years into his debut, and had confined in Chan the whole issue.

_"You never told me who it was, though," Chan mumbled against the rim of his steamy cup of tea._

_"It didn't matter, Chan-ah," BamBam took a sip from his Iced-Moccha, "but I guess I should tell you the truth now."_

_"What do you mean?"_

_BamBam pursed his lips, "Back then, I wasn't the one suffering the disease."_

_"What... ?"_

_"Mmh..." his best friend pondered for a minute before he took a deep breath, "I was pretending, to cover up for JinYoung hyung."_

_Chan frowned, shaking his head as he tried to process the new information, "Why though?"_

_"Because I didn't know he was in love with me." The Aussie boy choked on his tea; BamBam couldn't help but laugh, "It was so stupid, instead of just telling me the truth, he had me play pretend to keep the others from worrying. Had he said something before he almost died on me, he'd have saved himself a lot of pain."_

_"I don't get it."_

_"I loved him too, that's why I didn't get it," Chan blinked shocked, "but he convinced himself so hard that it was one-sided, that he caused the disease on himself."_

_"You could suffer from it... even if it's not one-sided?"_

_BamBam scratched the back of his head, “I think you should talk to JinYoung.”_

“Bang Chan!” he turned around to face JinYoung, the senior embraced him as soon as he blinked, “How are you?”

“I mean, still alive,” he shrugged, slowly backing off the hug, “Oh, I’m so sorry, hyung, I didn’t mean it,” JinYoung looked at him in a certain way that made him feel protected, like the way any of his parents looked at him back when he was a child and sick, and they’d pamper him until he was fully recovered.

Though, he wasn’t sure he’d ever recover from this sickness.

“It’s okay, I’ve been there,” JinYoung turned to look at the clipboard Chan had left on the desk, “It’s your choice…”

“I’ve seen the side effects first hand, I don’t want to deal with them.”                               

Almost all doctors knew how to treat the Hanahaki disease, but it was hard to find one that’d be trustworthy whenever an idol or an important person came around with it, since a lot of them would sell the secret to any gossip magazine or blog for any mount of money they could get, not caring about how that could affect not only their careers, but their wholes lives. Some of the patients had died while trying to keep the identity of the person they loved secret or by rejecting treatment once the secret was out. Chan was grateful to JinYoung for taking him to the same doctor that kept his condition in check, even after BamBam confessed he corresponded the feelings, and was glad that his hyung was there with him.

“Hello, Mr. Bang, I’m Dr.Jang,” they shook hands as they bowed, “do you have the preliminary tests results?”

“Oh, yes,” Chan gave the envelop he was carrying to the doctor as the three took a seat around his office desk. There was a small silence in which the doctor read the papers, Chan looked at JinYoung nervously, so the older gave him a reassuring smile.

“Aside from the roots in your heart and lungs,” the doctor finally spoke, “your health is good overall.” Chan didn’t know whether to laugh or cry at the choice of words.

“That’s good, right?” JinYoung commented once he saw how tense Chan was, “I mean, my health back then wasn’t as good and that’s why it progressed so fast.”

“Yes, and no,” Chan’s eyes widened, the stress was rising inside him and he could feel the vines tightening around his throat, “since in some patients the disease develops in a different way. In Chan’s case, it’s a slower but more painful process. Mr. Bang, when was the first time you coughed these petals?”

“… A-Ah, almost six months ago.”

“That’s a very long time,” both, JinYoung and Dr. Jang, looked equally shocked, “and with the lifestyle you have to keep, I’m quite surprised that you were able to endure for so long. Usually patients are on the last stages after a few months, but in your case, there’s not as many blossoms as there are roots. So… are you, perhaps, unsure of your unrequited feelings?”

“I don’t think so…” even when Chan tried to sound sure, JinYoung could see through him.

“Well, anyhow, the best option is to get the surgery while there’s few blossoms, that way we can reduce the possible side effects.”

A few hours later, JinYoung and Chan were in the same coffee place that BamBam had taken him before, and the leader felt a tad bit jealous of how their relationship was as they were connected without even seeing each other because of their different schedules. Chan asked his hyung about his whole experience with the disease, and how he dealt with it. For some reason, hearing the story of the way his fear of confessing his feelings made the flowers in his system bloom much faster, made him feel understood. The mood was fine, a bit sad as they discussed about the elephant in the room, until Chan received a text from WooJin telling him that he took the boys, except for Felix as he had to stay back to work on his Korean, out for something to eat, so he had left some leftovers from the night before in the fridge for them. No sooner had the leader thought of spending time alone with Felix, a hand flew to his mouth to cover the petals he had to cough out. JinYoung quickly paid the bill, hurrying them back to the car so he could drive Chan back to the dorm.

“Chan-ah, can I know who is it?” JinYoung quietly asked as he saw Chan stuff away a bunch of pink petals into his hoodie’s pocket.

“Would it make much of a difference if you knew?” Chan almost wheezed out, feeling the roots closing in on his lungs, as they were reaching his dorm.

“Not really, I suppose.”

With heavy feet, Chan walked to his dorm building’s elevator to press his floor. JinYoung’s words still echoed in his mind, _“I had the person I loved pretend to have the disease instead of confessing that he was the one I was longing for, would you do something like that to the one you love?”_ when he opened the door, so he missed a loud voice laughing until he nearly tripped over a pair of sneakers. Chan tipped off his shoes, and moved to the living room, hearing a deep voice cursing in English. Rolling his eyes, he stopped by Felix’s shared room.

The orange haired boy was playing “Fortnite” instead of studying Korean, yet his leader didn’t have the heart to scold him when the other Aussie boy was smiling in a way he hadn’t in so long. In fact, Chan thought Felix would never be able to smile like that again. Sometimes, Chan wondered if he did the right thing for Felix. The freckled boy groaned as his character got killed before he spun on his chair to find Chan there, and a nervous laugh escaped his lips.

“Chan hyung!” he quickly stood up to pick his books from the floor, “WooJin left some food for you in the fridge,” though he used a Korean honorific, he instantly spoke in English.

“He told me, have you eaten?” Chan came to his dongsaeng’s side to help him with his stuff as Felix nodded, “How are your Korean classes going?”

“Pretty good, I guess.”

“Felix?”

“Yeah?”

Chan stood by the door, not facing his friend, “I know we promised not to talk about it, but…” he looked over his shoulder to find Felix staring at him, his eyes focused, yet distant, “Never mind.”

“Hyung,” Felix’s deep voice stopped him, “hadn’t it been for you, I wouldn’t be here.” Chan nodded just as he felt the younger hugged him from behind, “You’re the reason I could get through with it. Thank you, hyung.”

“Don’t mention it,” he patted the boy’s hands as caress, “I just wanted you to be okay.”

“Now I am,” Felix let go of him to walk ahead towards their small kitchen, “I feel fine.”

“Have you felt something after the surgery?” Chan’s question froze Felix in place, “I’m so sorry, Felix, I—”

“I haven’t really tried,” a deep sigh escaped his lips, “but I still enjoy little things, including singing, and being with all of the members.” Felix faced him again, a hand pressed where his heart was, before he went on, “I’m able to look at them without coughing out endless petals, to look at him without feeling like dying.”

The memories of Felix loving someone so strongly that he suffered the disease, the way he used to smile, how his eyes would light up whenever he saw something he liked, and the moment when Chan realized he had fallen for the boy as he slept next to him on the hospital bed the night before his surgery awoke the sleeping blooms inside of him. He was barely able to make a bad excuse to keep the younger from following him to his room because the petals started to gather at the back of his throat, making it hard for him to not throw up right there.

No one was meant to find out that way.

Much less his two best friends.

Anyone but ChangBin.

Scattered around his room, were endless stripped petals of different shapes, some covered in blood drops as Chan kept on fighting for air. Chan kept on shaking his head as they ran to his sides, trying to get them to stay away from him, but ChangBin forced the leader to look at him after he ordered JiSung to close the door so none of the others would walk in.

"Who is it?"

"No," Chan managed to breathe out as another coughing fit attacked him; he could feel the flowers blooming inside of his body faster than ever, "just..."

"Who is it, Chan?!" ChangBin was growing desperate, "Tell us!"

"N-No..."

"Chan!"

"No..."

"Felix!" but it was JiSung who screamed with tears in his eyes as he watched his leader struggle to breathe, "I know it's Felix. It takes a fool not to notice with the way you look at him... I'm so sorry, hyung..." Chan shook his head again, attempting to reassure him that it was okay.

"Why don't you tell him?" ChangBin looked at both of them, "What if he feels the same way?"

"He can't," saying that out loud made the vines in his lungs break something, so he bended over the bed to spit out blood-covered petals.

"You don't know it," the eldest rapper pressured on, "JiSung, bring Felix!"

"Don't," at the simple idea of Felix finding out, the guilt was far more suffocating than the pain.

"Felix might be able to save you..." JiSung tried to convice their leader.

"He can't."

"Stop being so damn stubborn!"

"He fucking can't!" Chan tried to say something else when he could no longer breathe, the lack of oxygen in his body finally made his surroundings turn black.

The darkness that surrounded him was almost comforting, there was no more pain, no more struggled breathing, no broken heart… and no more Felix.

Felix… Felix, _Felix._ His promise. He made a promise to Felix that night, the last time he saw Felix cough out the same petals for someone else, to stay with him _always._ Chan had chosen Felix’s life over everything, not caring if the surgery removed his emotions as well, because he couldn’t lose him again. Just like he chose to die without thinking of how it could affect Felix once again, regardless of his condition. Suddenly, Chan wanted to wake up, but the darkness was slowly engulfing him to the point of no return.

~

“Where is him?!”

“Felix, please,” WooJin grabbed the young Australian by the shoulders, he hadn’t show that much emotion after debut, so all of them were surprised to see him run down the hospital hallway in that manner. “You need to calm down.”

“No, hyung what I need is to see him,” HyunJin took WooJin’s place in front of Felix when he shrugged off the eldest’s hands, “let me go!”

“Stop it, Felix!” ChangBin walked out of a room with JiSung and SeungMin, “he’s not waking up, he needs to have the surgery now.”

“No, there has to be another way,” he turned to face the rest of the members, “we have to find out who…”

“Felix,” MinHo called him, but Felix ignored him.

“We need to save him.”

“Felix,” MinHo tried again.

“We have to do something! The surgery is not the answer!”

“Felix!”

“What?!”

“It’s you!” JeongIn cried out, eyes swollen from crying endlessly before he sobbed again. Felix stopped altogether, he didn’t even blink for a minute, “It’s you…” the maknae repeated as WooJin took the baby of the group into his arms.

“Son of a bitch,” Felix blurted out after a whole minute of silence, pushing past the three standing in front of the door to run straight for Chan’s asleep body, “You idiot!” he shouted at his leader’s face.

The rest of the members were about to pull Felix away from Chan when JiSung stopped them all by hanging onto the door frame, “Wait! Wait, give them a moment!” Somehow, he managed to close the door to give the two Aussie boys some privacy.

“There’s no time, JiSung, Chan needs to have the surgery done!”

“If Felix can save him, he won’t need it,” he crossed his arms in front of his chest, “you have HyunJin, hyung, let them have a chance too.”

Inside the room, Felix stood next to Chan’s bed, soft hitting the leader’s shoulder as he tried to keep himself from crying, “You promised, you said you’d be with me forever,” tears rolled down his freckled cheeks, “You made the choice for me, so you don’t get to die because you love me and I can’t..." Felix finally broke down crying over Chan’s chest, an aching in his heart that he hadn’t felt in over a year. “I only needed you back then,” Felix mumbled, looking up at Chan’s sleeping face, though he was supposed to be peaceful, a strong discomfort was clear, “that’s why I accepted the surgery, I knew he was never going to love me back… but losing you, I can’t do it without you.”

Felix’s voice broke when he got no response, “Please,” he begged in English, “please, Christopher, don’t leave me behind… You promised that I could always find you…” Felix couldn’t stop crying, yet a beeping sound caught his attention. All color was lost from his face as he stared at the flat line on the monitor, and his lips quivered in a panic. He whipped around to see the others that had opened the door at the sound, so he turned back to Chan and screamed his name one last time, “Christopher!” with both hands, Felix grabbed Chan’s face, and pressed his lips against his hyung's in a last attempt.

The remaining seven gasped; JiSung covered his mouth with MinHo by his side, HyunJin hid his face against ChangBin’s shoulder, and JeongIn was hugged by SeungMin and WooJin at the same time.

Felix closed his eyes tightly, hands falling slowly to his sides, and time seemed to slow down when a group of nurses tried to rip him away from him; however, he refused to move. From somewhere behind him, he could hear what was left of 3RACHA crying out Bang Chan’s name, JeongIn’s heart-breaking “Hyung!”, while the others weren’t even able to make a coherent sentence. Unconsciously, Felix brought up one of his hands to his mouth, and surprised himself when he took out a whole Forget-Me-Not flower, so his eyes instantly focused on Chan.

One, two, three seconds passed.

Four, five, six more.

Seven, eight, nine…

The monitor beeped.

Chan coughed what could’ve been a sea of Forget-Me-Nots, and fell back down on the bed still asleep, but his heart rate stable. Felix took a deep breath, and saw his friends falling directly on the floor out of relief. The nurses checked Chan's pulse before they left to let the doctor know of the situation, and Felix rose up to stare straight to be at eye level with his leader.

_“He’s young, and you brought him in an early stage of the disease,” Felix could her the doctor talking with Chan by the door, pretending to be asleep before his surgery, “so, a lot of the side effects might not affect him. It’s very rare, but there might be a possibility of saving his emotions.”_

“Young love,” Felix jumped up at Chan’s voice as the older still had his eyes closed, “everchanging…” with some effort, the leader finally cracked open his eyes.

“I’m pretty sure it’s like catching lightning, all of this,” Chan let out a breathy laugh, “why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because I was sure you weren’t able to love again.”

“I’m beginning to think that… I might have loved you from the start.”

“The time of unrequited love is the happiest.” Chan found that quote in another book once he was back in the dorm with the rest of his members, while Felix slept soundly by his side. Love was everchanging; still, what was meant to be was unchangeable. He turned to look at the vase holding the only memory of his happiest days: pastel-colored petals of different flowers, and could only press a kiss among orange locks. Chan wondered what else could the disease be able to do to people, as nature took as much as it gave, because Felix regained his ability to fall in love thanks to the same disease that took it away from him. With a deep sigh, he left his book aside to cover both of their bodies with a blanket, holding him close, just as he received a message from BamBam. For once, the world could wait.


End file.
